You're all I'll Ever Ask For ;

Thursday, July 15, 2010
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guess i should just private my blog.. since it matters to you SO MUCH.

its really weird luh, i can't believe u totally twisted my actions, my words in ure favour. All just to direct the blame to me. HA! Honestly, I dun regret that I made all of these choices, even not giving u a clear answer- I dun tink its my fault either? Cos whether its a yes or no, I have a already told you not to go along with her recklessness initially and u jus went against me. In the end blaming me? I still rmb u telling me that u will bear the consequences, yet now forcing her to give you some security that u yearn to have and even sacrificing our friendship. Is that how you define bearing the consequences? Ain't bearing the consequences means that you will accept anything that comeby~ I can't believe you are that self-fish, at the least this time you are. Manipulating everything. Dun you understand that you were the one who got involve in this whole thing, EVEN when I stopped you, now I'm to blame? My feelings for her has always been there, it is just that it was hidden underneath somewhere in my heart at that time.. i thought u always knew. In fact you din, or rather you knew but chose to go on with it. you saw us coming to this state din you? Daniel once said: you tend to get close to ure bro's love. I did defend you initially but somehow it seems like its getting much clearer now. No matter how serious the matter is, I suppose it isn't even right for you to say that i'm the 2nd HS- fall in love with bro's gf. HA! I nvr once seriously told you that, yet u used it on me? Have ever gave a single thought that you are the third party in fact? First-karen then grace now Her. you kinda like this kind of r/s ? I really dun like to say these things but you are getting ridiculous.

Cos you are that F-ing important to me that I did so much. How abt this? How does it feel when you are just "giving" ure best bro your deepest love since young, yet I can't speak a word abt it? I can't vent my emotions? I don't vent it on you did I? I seriously do suspect how u love someone: by clinging on her, by holding on her. previously with grace as well.. U clearly know that grace still love xiang but u totally making her in a difficult position. It was cos of you! now wat? don't you find some signs of resemblance? Its cos I felt that you were dragged into this thing "innocently", tat I dun tink she nor me shld be unfair to you. In fact, if you really think back, are u really that innocent? Firstly: I stopped you and u insist on it. Secondly: I believe she wasn't the one who kinda started this thing? WHOSE THE F-ing BASTARD WHO SAID "I LIKE THAT 25 HRS WITH YOU". I'm sry I saw it, but that was after I refrained from doing such things for so long but wat you said forced me to the extreme. The last resort that I can at the least know whats happening. You are telling me that if me and her were as good frens, you are ok with it. ARE YOU SURE? It was just words to cover up ure jealousy, ure vested interests.I understand how it feels. You do know that I still had feelings for her, or rather even before I know it.. RIGHT? I bet so, consider how long we know each other. You fail to realise your mistakes.. dragging our r/s into it. even if you manage to see this i bet u will jus deny or not even bother to explain URE so called purposes behind it. By telling me ure rationale was: you want to do what you want, it simply tells me that it was just to cover up ure desperate-ness for love or rather complicated r/s. I'm sry to say these, I dun really like to speak like this but consider what you have said to me this is jus 1/5 of it?

I bother to endure everything just to make sure that you ain't suffering, I bother to put down my dignity and apologise to you even though I was sure that I wasn't totally at fault, I bother to explain to others that what you've done wasn't what they intrepreted with the vague stories, I bother to even tell her to give you a chance consider my feelings for her, I bother to think of how you feel, I bother to think of how unexpressive you are and any little things you do and I manage to see it... I try to take it as a comfort, take it as I'm at the least doing for a purpose rather than nth in return. I bother to even initiate to contact you, talk to you, understand you. I bother to be a fucking idiot- knowingly that its my crucial year yet bothering abt your matter. I bother to comply with almost everything you want. I bother to tolerate further by telling myself you will understand one day. I bother to do so much to hold on to this friendship JUST COS U R MY FUCKING BROTHER. I bother to even call you a brother now, cos having this word coming out from my mouth ain't easy, if i said you are I meant it. I bother to treat you like my F-ing blood Brother that everything you did, I try to forgive and forget. Yet you are still telling me: FUCK OF MY LIFE!

You know why I find it ridiculous? I find that i'm the innocent one here, Its like i'm blamed for smth I tried to stop and endured so much? Yet, becoming the villian here. WHY NOT WE JUST F-ing change position huh? probably you will feel what I am feeling now, cos i noe how you feel thats y I did so much but you took it the other way. And probably you understand how it feels being malign, the fear of contacting her cos of you, the barrier between me and her, having to be forced to choose between 2 most important ppl in your life, seeing her with another guy by her side and yet CAN'T help her, having to both as priorities over yourself? Even at the very beginning the thought of being with her has diminish even if you guys were to break up, cos I have to think of how to let you get over it rather than adding on to your pain? HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF aLL THESE? or rather I am still the THIRD party in your eyes?

If you wanna know if I were you what will I do? Basically you won't gif a damn abt your friendship, whats more me. But the least thing I will do, I won't cling on her and make her in a difficult position. That's the least thing I will do, I won't force her to give me security cos I brought these upon myself and I break the ground rules. AS SIMPLE AS THAT, even how hard it is for me, at the least she is not implicated by it. DOUBT you understand.. u can deny but you are too possessive.

LOVE the CLIQUE 3:20 PM